Gillian's World

Bad day.

2010-03-09T15:38:00.002Z

Hey, just a short post - I really need to have a little vent. Have you ever had those days where lots of little bad things build up over the day until you realise that you're really pretty pissed off and upset about them? That's kind of how my day is going, nothing majorly bad has happened but I still want to curl up in a corner and cry for a bit.

I found out that I failed my clinical reasoning exam - I'm not cut up about it because it was the first one and I wasn't expecting to do well.

My mum is thiking of moving house during the week before I finish for Easter, this probably makes perfect sense to her but it means that I won't get a chance to visit the house again before she moves and I'm kind of attached to that house. (I know it sounds like a silly little thing but combined with other stuff, it's making me sad).

I'm getting fed up with the gossipy-ness of some people on the course, I know stuff like that is hard to avoid with only 90ish people in the year but I'm fed up of feeling like I'm in a fish bowl. There are some things that I don't want to have to tell everyone but if I don't then they will think it's ok to keep gossiping about my private life. This is the one I'm upset about most, it doesn't help that I can't really talk to people about it without explaining some crap things from my past and that will just upset me. :-(

It's getting to the end of the module and we have more exams coming up so I think I'm just tired and letting little things get at me. Roll on Easter, 3 weeks 'off' (well, I'm gonna have to do some revision for the summer exams but at least I won't be learning anything new for a bit!).

Turned out that it wasn't a short post after all, but I feel better. Thanks for reading.

See you soon. :-)

A quick hello...

2010-02-24T16:07:00.003Z

Hey, sorry it's been a while. I've been meaning to update the blog for a few days but I wanted to wait until my module 2 & 3 exam results came out...... I got them this morning and on the whole I'm pretty pleased. I found the MCQs quite simple and I came out with 85.3%, I passed my clinical skills assessment (but only just on the communication skills bit - I need to be more interested in how things affect the patient and their family). The MEQs were something I was terrified of because of my awful performance last time, but apart from one question I was pleasantly suprised with myself. I think it worked out that I got 63.3% which is good for me, and it would have been more if I'd had a clue what the hell that last question wanted! I'm just waiting for the clinical reasoning exam results to come out at the end of the week, It was the first time we had done those and I don't think I did particularly well, but that's ok (also, I felt like I needed to watch an episode of House before that exam, I think it would have helped).

We've started the musculoskeletal module this month, It's soo interesting but I'm really noticing how fast paced the course is - we've pretty much covered the anatomy (including bones, joints, muscles, nerves and vasculature) of the whole lower limb in 1.5 weeks as well as covering the pathology, clinical skills and other random stuff that comes up in PBL. It's just a bit overwhelming.

We changed PBL groups too at the start of this module, it's wierd! It's difficult figuring out how to deal with all the new stuff going on - friendship dynamics from the last group changing, trying to find my place in this new group, trying to learn the same amount of stuff as before but in a totally different way because my new group want me to be more interactive with them (which is a good thing in theory but I spend so much time trying to work out what I can do for the next session that I don't have enough time to actually learn things!).

In other news, my mum has hopefully sold the house so she is looking to move in about a month, it will be just at the start of my Easter holidays so hopefully I can help her - I really don't like the idea of her moving house while I'm here and then going 'home' to somewhere new. Does that make sense?

I have to go now, I need to put some washing in, tidy the kitchen and then go food shopping. See you soon. :-)

Noooo

2010-02-03T19:22:00.002Z

Why did Lost season 6 have to start the week before my module 2 & 3 exams, I need to revise but I can't resist watching it. If I fail, do you think the university would accept this as extenuating circumstances?!

I'm still here.

2010-01-23T17:26:00.003Z

Despite my absence for the last couple of months - I haven't fallen off the face of the Earth! Ok, so firstly - I hope you had a good Christmas and new year. Mine was great, it was really nice to go home and do no work for 3 weeks.

I don't really know how to update you on what's been going on since the last time I posted, med school is still great, my brain is still full (but there are some really interesting things in there). We're just coming up to the end of the cardiovascular module and I've gotta say that I prefered respiratory (despite all the sputum!).

My first set of exams had mixed results - the multiple choice questions (MCQs) went well, I got 74% (later put up to 76% after an error in the marking was found). The modified essay questions (MEQs) were a complete disaster - I totally panicked and couldn't get anything out of my brain and onto paper, I have never frozen on a exam before and I hope that it never happens again because it was awful. By the time I had got into the swing of things, I kept having to stop because my wrist was hurting (have I told you about my bad wrist?) and then I ran out of time. Anyway, I came out of that with 44% (which is crap but it's better than I thought I'd done). We had another MCQ in December, that went well and I got 82% in that. Next exams are in February (MEQs and MCQs), hopefully I won't get the yips again. We have clinical skills assessments too this time, they sound pretty scary as we could be asked to carry out any part of a respiratory or cardiovascular examination.

Not much else has been going on, we're changing pbl groups at the end of this module (2 weeks) and everyone seems to be dreading it. Even though we don't always get along with the people in our groups, we've been together since September and we know how we work. We've bonded and it's going to be hard to split us all up and put us with new people (well, not new people, but you know how the saying goes - better the devil you know than the devil you don't).

I should probably leave it there for now, I have a patient narrative essay to finish by monday that is still refusing to be beaten. It's just so fluffy - I've even used the word 'biopsychosocial' in there, bleugh! Makes me all quivery inside!

Exams

2009-11-02T07:42:00.000Z

First formative exams this morning - wish me luck!

2009-10-21T21:04:00.003+01:00

My brain is full! I can't learn any more, I need a break. We have a few days off next week to revise for our exams on the 2nd of November, I'll be glad of the break because it means that we won't be learning anything new for a few days. How sad is that? Looking forward to a few days revision!

I was going to do a proper blog post, but honestly I can't think straight. I keep losing concentration and staring out of my window, it's horrible - I've got loads of work to do but I can't think well enough to do it. I'll try to get a better post for you next week.

Argh!

2009-10-15T16:17:00.002+01:00

MEN! Why do they have to make everything so complicated?! Just because I don't want to date someone doesn't mean that I'm seeing the guy who was sat next to me in pbl! It just means that I don't want to date them! And I don't know what the cryptic comments on facebook are all about, they just make you sound like a lovesick 15 year old! I really thought we could be friends, but instead I cant wait until we change pbl groups so that I can get away from the politics of it all.

Sorry, rant over. I feel much better now. :-)

Dear student finance people......

2009-09-24T17:28:00.002+01:00

Please can I have some money now? It's been almost 2 weeks since my money was due and I'm running a bit short now! I'm writing this here in my blog because there is no way to contact you by email and I can't afford to spend an hour in a queue on the phone to you (no money yet remember!), so I thought I would just vent on here.

In other news, you know how they tell you that med school is really hard work and there is just loads of stuff to do? Well I dont think anyone can truly comprehend what that means until they're there. Things are sooo fast paced it's untrue. I'm still having a good time though so it can't be too bad.

My stethoscope arrived yesterday too, I feel like a proper medical student now. It's ace!

Important lessons

2009-09-19T09:27:00.003+01:00

So, it's the end of the first week. What have I learned?......

.........I have learned how to wash my hands!! I have also learned that sometimes the staff should talk to each other a little bit more so as to avoid timetabling confusions. And I've learned that I love that my last name begins with an A, it means that I'm in the first group for most things so I'll generally finish earlier in the day. Awesome!!

First day at medical school

2009-09-16T07:41:00.003+01:00

I'm a little excited, I've mis-timed things so now I'm ready 2 hours early. Oops. I feel like I'm starting primary school again!! :-)

See you later.

Another blonde moment

2009-09-13T12:13:00.002+01:00

Well, 2 actually. So yesterday, I had to drive to my new house because my train tickets weren't valid (see previous post for the explanation to that one!). My mum and sister came with me and took the car back home afterwards. It was only about 2 hours after they'd left that my sister texted me to tell me I'd left my toothbrush in the car! D'oh!

Oh well, nevermind. I figured that I would pick one up today (I needed a new one anyway, mine wasnt holding its charge very well). For some reason I was wide awake at 7am so I got up, got ready and went out to go get my new toothbrush. I walked about 25 minutes to sainsbury's before I realised that it's sunday - the shops arent open until later! D'oh again!

Sometimes I wonder...

2009-09-11T11:20:00.002+01:00

...How I got into medical school!

I realised this morning that I had an incredible 'blonde moment' earlier this week. See, I moved all my things to my new house on Monday and then came back home (because its my birthday today and I didnt want to spend it there on my own). My plan was to go back tomorrow on the train, I'd ordered the tickets and reserved my seat etc. But at 6am this morning I realised that I've left my railcard at the new house so I won't be able to use the tickets! So now I have to go in the car (with my mum so that she can take the car home again).

Stupid girl!

On another note, I got some great presents for my birthday. Can't believe im a quarter of a century old!

I'm moving tomorrow!

2009-09-06T17:04:00.002+01:00

How scary is that!! I've been packing all my things and I'm not sure how everything is gonna fit into the car. Oh well, I'll figure something out. I can't believe how fast things have moved since January when I got my offer. I still keep thinking that it's a terrible mistake and I haven't really got a place, even though they let me register the other day.

I still havent finished my basic science workbook or the anatomy package, I'll have to do that next week, I wont be spending my time packing then so I should have time.

I have to give blood on my birthday next week. I know I don't have to, but I forgot to go last time so I feel like I should. Nevermind - I suppose it'll make it a cheaper night because I won't be able to drink as much.

Anyway, I gotta go finish packing - I don't think you'll believe how much crap there is in my room. And I'm sure it must be dangerous in there with the amount of dust I'm kicking up. Oops!

Unpacking...

2009-08-29T14:07:00.002+01:00

I'm unpacking the big box of leaving goodies that I got from work yesterday - there's loads of stuff!! Thanks guys! I was really sad when I got home yesterday, I don't have a job anymore - it's wierd!

I was supposed to be sorting things out that I need to pack, but I've been procrasitinating all morning. Also, I just joined the BMA and the MDU, I almost feel like a medical student now. Ooh, and I got my welcome guide from my university through the post, exciting stuff!

Oops, I just realised it's raining and I've left the dog outside in the garden. I'd better go and get him. Hehe.

11 days...

2009-08-11T18:18:00.000+01:00

...left of work before I leave! 33 days left before I start my first day of medical school! I'm so excited, I've got that crunchie advert running through my head now! Hehe.

In Theatre

2009-07-05T10:15:00.002+01:00

I downloaded the Amateur Transplants' new live album 'In Theatre' on Friday, after listening to it pretty much constantly since then I can safely say that I think it's brilliant!!

Erm, not really much else to say. 2 months left till I start - I'm getting a bit scared now! I think I've sorted out a house, it's the nice house that I mentioned in my last post.

I'll post again soon with something a bit more interesting (hopefully!). I'm off to have my breakfast now. Bye.

Ramblings

2009-06-24T10:15:00.004+01:00

Wow, I'm really not good at regular blogging! Sorry, it's just that not much interesting has happened for a while. So, in an effort to try to keep you interested, here is a little ramble about a few of the most recent happenings in my life:

I had to have my occupational health appointment yesterday, nothing too traumatic. The nurse went over my health questionnaire and then took some blood to test for heb B. The results should be back in 2 weeks, hopefully my offer will turn unconditional soon after that. I went to look at a couple of student houses while I was in the area, there was one that I REALLY liked - it's lovely, but it's very popular because it's so nice so I'm not sure I'll get it. Fingers and toes crossed! (I can actually do that - hypermoblie!!)

I was really looking forward to going to watch a knee replacement today, but there aren't any on the theatre list so I'll have to wait till next week. I saw a hip replacement in February, that was pretty cool. I really like orthopaedics - but I was never any good at technology/woodwork in school so I probably wouldn't be very good at it! Add that to the fact that I'm only 5'2" and pretty weak - I wouldn't have the strength to be hammering and drilling bones for a living!

I wish I wasn't stuck in the office all day, it's such a hot sunny day - I want to be outside in the garden. I'm stuck in clinic this afternoon so I can't even escape early. Stupid work! At least I can go outside to eat my lunch, I've even brought suncream with me - its funny how sunburned I can get just by sitting outside for half an hour.

I can't believe that there are only 2 and a bit months until I leave home and start the course. It's very scary. I recently discovered the amateur transplants, it's amazing how much medical stuff there is to learn. I hope that I can cope with it. Surely I'm not the only one who listens to some of the songs and gauges their knowledge by knowing what the words mean?!

Anyway, I'd better get some work done. See you later. :-)

Exams

2009-06-06T10:13:00.002+01:00

I know it's probably a bit late, but I just wanted to wish everyone who has exams coming up good luck. Especially those A level students with medical school offers, this is the last hurdle now before you're in.

I dont know why I needed to post that, I haven't got any exams this year. But I really do wish the best for people with offers, it must be heartbreaking to have an offer and miss out on it because of the grades.

Isn't the weather horrible today, raining and miserable. I want the sun back! Anyway, I'm off to tesco now - we've run out of cat food. See you later.

Where's Harry?

2009-05-28T18:31:00.003+01:00

It seems that Unprotected Text has been removed. Anyone know what happened? It can't be gone for good surely - it's such a great blog, it would be a shame if it was just gone like that.

In other news, I've booked my occupational health appointment for medical school. My crb check came back so hopefully I'll be looking at an unconditional on track soon. (They won't take away my offer because of my hypermobility and buggered up wrist will they?)

When I go for the occy health check, I was going to do some house-hunting while I'm there. I lived at home for my first degree so to be honest I'm not really sure what I should be looking out for with regards to renting with other students. Any tips?

Anyway, I'm off to make something for tea now, I don't know what to have - there isnt much in the freezer and I've had too much pasta recently. I might have a jacket potato with something. I'll go have a look. Bye!

The Grand Round

2009-05-08T18:25:00.004+01:00

I love going to the grand round at my hospital...... I get a free lunch and 'toys' from the reps! Today I got a laser pointer with a pen drive in it, as well as a load of sticky pads and pens for the office. The lecture wasn't bad either, it was about takotsubo cardiomyopathy (broken heart syndrome), there was even a clip from scrubs! People in the office think that I'm really keen to learn medical things when I go, but really, I just want the extended lunch time! (1.5 hours rather than my usual half hour). :-)

Remembering...

2009-05-03T20:32:00.003+01:00

It's 2 years today since my grandma passed away. A lot of things have happened since then, things that I wish she could have been around for. I'm not particularly religious, but I like to think that somewhere, she is still around and knows about everything thats been going on. It sounds a bit morbid, but I'm really glad that I was there when she died (even though i can still remember her ribs cracking when i was doing cpr) . It was so sudden and unexpected but I think she would have rather had it that way than a long, drawn out illness.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I miss you grandma (and thanks for getting me into medical school!). x.

Woo! It's nearly Easter!

2009-04-09T19:00:00.004+01:00

Sorry, I probably shouldn't get so excited about Easter, but there's chocolate and a whole 4 days off work!

In other news, my doc said I have a chest infection. I've got a weeks worth of amoxicillin to take. I don't know whether its the gelatin in the capsule, but my cat keeps trying to eat the tablets. I hope the infection starts to clear up soon, my back and chest is really starting to hurt when i breath.

More news - Molly's coming!! (Molly is my niece) she is coming to stay with us for a few days next weekend, we were going to be doing some decorating but I'm not sure its a good idea to teach a 2 year old how to paint the walls, I don't think her mother would be impressed! I thought I would post another picture of her because (as I mentioned in my other post) she is a cutie - even when her hair is a mess!

Anyway, I'm off now, Happy Easter egg hunting!

?PE

2009-04-07T17:43:00.002+01:00

I did manage to get an appointment to see my gp yesterday, he pretty much sent me straight to the hospital. So after a day on the emergency admissions ward, d dimer, chest x ray, ecg, a (really painful) clexane injection and v/q scan - I can safely say that I don't have a pulmonary embolism!

What I don't know is the why I still can't breath properly! I thought maybe it was anxiety but on thinking about it - I'm not really anxious about anything. Any other ideas? I'm gonna go back to see the doc on thursday for round 2 - hopefully he'll figure something out because I'm knackered after 5 days of laboured breathing!

Going to the doctors

2009-04-05T16:42:00.003+01:00

So I'm off to see my GP tomorrow (if I can get an appointment), I've had some weird breathing problem since last week - I can't seem to catch my breath. Anyway, I was reading a thread on new media medicine about how to approach doctors appointments - whether to mention my nearly medical student-ness and whether i should play dumb or suggest possible causes for my problems. I don't know, I don't want to sound like an idiot with medical student syndrome but I don't want them to miss the point of my visit. I think I'll just go along and see what happens.

I never seem to have much luck when I go to the doctors, up until I was about 21 they kept telling me that my leg pains were 'growing pains' - i think that at 21, I should have stopped growing (even though I'm only 5'2"). It turns out that I'm hypermobile so that's why I have random aches and pains. It just seems that the doctors stop listening after a while and its frustrating to think that they might have missed something.

Nevermind, it can't be that serious or I'd be a bit 'bluer' by now!

See you later.

Any boy scouts around?

2009-04-04T14:55:00.003+01:00

I'm trying to light the fire. It's not going well! We have no firelighters so I'm trying to do it with newspaper and candlewax, it would be ok if we had some sticks but we don't. I'm not hopeful that it'll work. I'm not in the mood to walk to the shop - it's 3 miles away! I need to go outside now and get some fresh air because my lungs are filled with crap. I'm complaining now, but you watch - in September when I've moved out I'll miss the coal fire!

Open day

2009-03-29T13:51:00.005+01:00

Went to a post offer open day yesterday, it was really good to meet the people who I'll hopefully be studying with come September and it was nice that the staff and current students made a real effort to try to impress us. I've already put that choice as my firm on ucas, so unless something horrible shows up on my occupational health or crb checks then I'm definitely going there. It was a good day.

I'm not a fan of Chinese food or loud music, but I'm still glad I went out to the social night as well. I thought it was really funny - people finding out who I am on nmm and being able to put faces to the other user names. It got to about half 12 and I wanted to go back to where i was staying, but I couldn't find anyone to get a taxi with me, so I ended up getting the bus - I'm not used to being able to do that, where I live there's a bus that goes past my house twice a day and no buses run at all at night so if you want to go out anywhere then you have to drive (or get a lift).

I went on the bus to the halls after the open day - I wasn't impressed with them to be honest. For £73 a week, you expect a bit more than 7 people cramped into a tiny corridor with a kitchen on the end. I think I'm gonna look out for private accommodation. But again - that has its own problems: who am I gonna live with? It seemed a bit wierd to organise to houseshare with people that I only just met. Any ideas?

Anyway, I'm off to take the dog for a walk up the lane. See you later.

Busy weekend

2009-03-11T11:07:00.003Z

So, snow patrol was great on friday. Liverpool was a bitch to drive to - got a bit lost after we came out of the tunnel. Next time, we'll go to Manchester!

Saturday was spent trawling through shops trying to find a christening present and a birthday present for my niece (she was 2 on thursday). It isnt easy trying to find presents that are grown up enough for a 2 year old, most toys are either suitable for 18months+ or 3 years+. In the end I settled for a cup that you can put pictures in and a truck with some tools in it (I'm determined to make her a tomboy!!). And of course - a Welsh rugby t shirt!

Sunday was a long day, up early to make the 3 hour drive to Manchester for the christening of my cousin's baby. The doo afterwards involved lots of family I don't know. Good cake though!

I got to go visit my niece to give her her birthday presents. She is a cutie! It's a shame that we don't get to see her often becasue she lives in Manchester. She liked her presents, but not as much as the helium balloon that we brought her from the christening! Typical. Anyway, I thought I'd post a picture of her because I cant get over how cute it is (in my opinion) - I suprised her with the camera! So, happy birthday Molly! I can't believe you're 2!

Hopefully this weekend will be a little less busy.

Day off today..

2009-03-06T09:34:00.002Z

I'm going to see snow patrol tonght, so I'm having the day off to go to Liverpool for a bit of shopping before. Should be good! It was nice not having to get up at half 6 this morning to go to work. :-)

Quick update

2009-03-01T11:50:00.003Z

It's been a while since I posted last, mostly because I lead quite a boring life and not much has gone on! I did decline my St. Georges offer, now I'm waiting for more offers to go out to the other university so that I know who I'll be going to med school with. I'm looking forward to going to the open day next month, I only really got to see the place briefly when I went to my interview in December.

In other news, I started on a diet a couple of weeks ago, I lost 3Ib the first week and I get weighed again tomorrow. I don't have much to lose really, about a stone ish. It's more for moral support for my mum than actually being unhappy with my own weight. Also, if I lose a few pounds now, I won't feel so guilty pigging out when Easter comes!

Anyway, I'm going to go and light the fire now because I'm cold. See you later. Ooh, and Happy St. David's Day!

St Georges.....

2009-02-20T11:15:00.002Z

Gave me an offer on wednesday. I think it's kinda spooky that I got my first offer on January 16th and my 2nd offer on February 16th. Is that weird? I'm not sure how I got an offer, my interview didnt go too well (not as well as my other one anyway), and it was filmed which wasnt nice.

I'm too scared to decline it on track, I know thats stupid because the conditions for both my offers are the same (health and crb check) and I definately dont want to go to Georgies (it was a bit of a dive imo!). I'll do it in a couple of days.

UCAS track addiction

2009-02-15T12:51:00.002Z

So even though I've already got an offer for med school, I find myself with a strange compulsion to check track every couple of hours. You see, I had an interview at St Georges, University of London in January and the offers are due to be given out any day now. I practically did no work on Thursday and Friday because of my track and new media medicine addiction. It seems that it was all rejections, so hopefully offers will start coming in tomorrow. The thing is, even if I did get an offer, I have my heart set on the other university.

I keep telling myself that if I did get an offer and then I turned it down, that someone from the waiting list will get my place. But I cant help but feel guilty for not withdrawing sooner. If I had withdrawn, then someone who's been rejected would have got onto the waiting list (and a deferred place for next year). I just feel a bit selfish, wanting to be able to decline an offer. So, (to whoever needs to hear this) - I'm sorry for taking your chance!

My first post

2009-02-13T18:35:00.008Z

Ok, so I've been meaning to start a blog for a while now, just to see if I can keep it up. I've never been the kind of person who keeps a diary but I thought that maybe if someone was reading then I might post more often. I'd like to warn any potential readers - I'm not a great writer, my posts probably won't be deep and meaningful or reflective - they will likely be what is in my head when I get round to posting. Ooh, I've just noticed that its friday 13th - is that a bad omen for this blog?

Anyway, a little bit about me to get started; as you probably read in my profile, I'm a 24 year old biomed graduate and im going to medical school in september. I currently work in my local hospital (i say local - its 45 minute drive away!!) as many different things ranging from medical lab assistant to physio assistant to nerve conduction technician to arthroplasty clerk (Isn't it funny how I can get loads of jobs, but not as a biomedical scientist!).

The reason I can't get a job as a bms is that I pissed off the head bms in haematology when I told him that I was going to apply for medicine. The first thing he said to me was "you wont get in". A few months later my contract expired and it wasnt renewed. So armed with my 'fuck you' attitude I worked my arse off for the gamsat and interviews and got an offer for my first choice course on my first attempt! I wish I could have seen the look on his face when he found out, unfortunately news spreads very fast in a small place. It still feels good!

I'm going to make my tea now, I'll post again with something a little more interesting (hopefully). Thanks for reading.